When Friendship Feels Like Holding Water.

Friendship, at its core, is a bond—a connection that forms between two people, sometimes instantly, sometimes over time. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that not all friendships are built the same way. Some feel solid, unwavering, like the roots of a tree, grounding you through different seasons of life. Others are fleeting, like water slipping through your fingers—no matter how tightly you try to hold on, they seem to find a way to escape.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what friendship truly means and why some last while others fade. And honestly? I don’t have all the answers yet. But I do have questions. And I have experiences—ones that have shaped the way I view friendships, how I approach new ones, and how I’ve had to let go of others.

Is Friendship Measured by Time or Experience?

For a long time, I thought friendships were defined by how much time you spent together. The best friends were the ones who were always there, right? But the more I’ve lived, the more I realize it’s not about constant presence—it’s about the moments that shape the friendship itself.

Some of my closest friendships weren’t built on daily conversations or years of history, but on deep, meaningful experiences that created an unspoken understanding between us. I’ve had friends I talked to every single day, yet the friendship slowly faded. And I’ve had friendships where we go months without speaking, but the second we reconnect, it’s like nothing ever changed.

So maybe friendship isn’t measured by time. Maybe it’s measured by impact.

What Makes a Friendship Last?

I used to believe that friendships lasted because two people were naturally similar—that if you just clicked with someone, the connection would sustain itself. But I’ve since learned that friendships, like any relationship, take effort. They need mutual respect, understanding, and the ability to communicate—even when it’s uncomfortable.

The truth is, I’m still figuring this one out. Some friendships survive distance, arguments, and even prolonged silence, while others dissolve over the smallest misunderstandings. I’ve learned that similarities don’t necessarily mean longevity, and differences don’t necessarily mean distance. The friendships that last seem to be the ones where both people choose—over and over again—to keep the connection alive.

Losing Friends & Learning From It

Losing friends is one of the hardest things I’ve had to experience. And what makes it even harder is that there’s rarely ever one single reason why it happens.

Sometimes, I’ve lost friendships because of my own actions. I’ve maybe overstepped some boundaries, or involved myself too much out of pure excitement to have them as a friend. Other times, I’ve struggled with communication—not expressing how I feel, assuming the other person understands.

And then there are the friendships that ended without explanation. The ones where someone simply pulled away, and I was left wondering what went wrong. Those are the hardest ones to process because there’s no closure—just a slow unraveling of something that once felt so certain.

But each loss has taught me something about myself. Sometimes, it’s been a wake-up call to recognize unhealthy patterns in my own behavior. Other times, it’s been a lesson in acceptance—that not all friendships are meant to last forever, and that’s okay.

How These Experiences Have Changed Me

If nothing else, losing and maintaining friendships has taught me about mutual respect—how important it is to give people space, to understand that not everyone communicates the same way, and to recognize that true friendship isn’t about demanding time or attention, but appreciating the moments you do share.

It’s also taught me that setting boundaries doesn’t make me a bad friend—it makes me a better one. I used to think that being a good friend meant being endlessly available, never saying no, and always putting the other person first. But now I realize that a healthy friendship is one where both people respect each other’s needs, not one where one person constantly gives while the other takes.

And if I’m being honest? These experiences have also made me more cautious when forming new friendships. Not in a closed-off, unwilling-to-trust way, but in a way that makes me more intentional. I’ve learned to pay attention to how people treat me, whether they reciprocate effort, and whether the friendship feels like a choice rather than an obligation.

Final Thoughts

Friendship is complicated. It’s beautiful and fulfilling, but it’s also messy and uncertain. Some friends will stay for a lifetime, while others will drift away despite your best efforts.

And while I don’t have all the answers, I do know this: friendship isn’t about how hard you hold on, but about finding the ones who want to stay.

So maybe friendship does feel like holding water sometimes. But the ones that truly matter? They don’t slip away.