What This Phase of Life Feels Like
It’s that awkward time of year where everything’s happening all at once, and yet somehow nothing feels like it’s actually happening. Spring break is over, summer’s nowhere close, and my brain is just trying to survive the in-between.
I’ve got exams coming up, assignments breathing down my neck, and my calendar looks like it’s been personally offended by the idea of free time. I’m answering texts way too late, forgetting what day it is, and living off of caffeine and vibes. Barely. I’m not saying I’m spiraling… but I’m also not not spiraling.
Business Finance is currently my entire personality. My exam is this Thursday, April 17th, and the date has been looming in my head like a really annoying song I didn’t ask for but can’t get rid of. I keep thinking about how much weight this one exam feels like it carries—like if I don’t do well, the entire degree I’ve been working toward suddenly falls apart. I know that’s dramatic, but it’s how it feels. My degree audit has even started making cameo appearances in my dreams. So that’s where we’re at.
And then there’s the fact that I’m somehow almost done with junior year. Which is… concerning. People keep asking what I’m doing after graduation and I keep answering with vague optimism that masks very real panic. I say things like “maybe grad school!” or “I’m figuring it out,” which basically translates to “please don’t make me face that yet.” I’m applying to graduate programs, and yes, that makes me sound like I have it together—but mentally, I’m still the girl in high school wandering the hallways with a JROTC hall pass, getting away with a little too much and thinking I had all the time in the world.
Now I’m juggling applications, interviews, responsibilities, and this strange pressure to “have a plan” when I’m barely keeping track of what day it is. I want that independence—my own apartment, my own schedule, my own life—but the idea of fully entering adulthood is just... a lot. And overwhelming doesn’t even begin to cover it.
Finals are creeping up, and I feel like I’m trying to do everything at once while also doing nothing particularly well. I keep forgetting to eat real meals, my screen time is offensive, and my brain has so many tabs open it might actually crash. Some days, I feel productive. Other days, I feel like I’m just floating and hoping everything works out. It’s exhausting, but also weirdly familiar. Like this is just part of the deal right now.
The truth is, stress has been a constant lately—but I’m starting to accept that it doesn’t always mean something is wrong. Sometimes it’s just a sign that things are shifting. And right now, a lot is shifting. School is speeding up, plans are becoming real, and the future is no longer this vague idea in the distance. It’s approaching quickly, and it’s a little terrifying. But also kind of exciting
